How to Heal Yourself Emotionally
5 Guaranteed Ways to Hack Your Happy
Feeling emotionally drained is exhausting. Some days you hold it together, then the smallest thing knocks you sideways. You tell yourself to get on with it, because other people seem to find life easy, but pushing through only tangles you up more.
You try a few emotional regulation techniques, they work for a day, then you are back in the loop. If that sounds familiar, there are simple reasons why nothing has quite stuck yet.
In this post I will show you how to heal yourself emotionally in a way that actually lasts, by working with your body and your brain, not against them.
You will learn why your system overloads, how to stop emotions turning into spirals, and how to build a daily rhythm that brings you back to centre. With real tools that help you feel safe inside your own skin again this post is your key to emotional regulation.
Feel the emotion as it arrises
This sounds simple. Most people skip it completely. Many do not even realise they skip it. Here is what usually happens when something triggers you:
Option 1, explode. Someone annoys you, you lose your rag, you say the first thing that flies into your head. After the dust settles you feel worse, not better. You reacted, but you did not feel.
Option 2, suppress. You tell yourself to be the bigger person and ignore it. People will even advise you to do this, and some well meaning medical professionals give similar advice.
The problem is that ignoring an emotion means ignoring the feeling in your body. It never gets processed, so it sits there. Each time you do this, the pile of unprocessed stuff gets bigger until you feel overwhelmed, anxious, flat, or oddly numb.
Feeling your feeling is not the same as analysing it or overthinking it. In fact, it involves no thinking at all. FEELING is just that — it’s how it feels, not what you think about it.
If a football hits you in the head, the first sensation is always pain, not an instant thought of ‘you little explicit.’ Yes, the thought of ‘I’m going to drop-kick you little… ***’ (lol just kidding — do not throw children) comes quickly afterwards, but you FEEL first. Your body reacts before your thoughts do.
You need to start doing that with your emotions too.”
Try this, on the spot
Pause for sixty to ninety seconds. No quick texts, no defending yourself in your head.
Turn inward. Where is the feeling in your body, chest, belly, throat, jaw, forehead.
Name the sensations, not the story. Tight, hot, fluttery, heavy, fizzing.
Breathe slowly and keep your attention on the body, not the thoughts. If thoughts pop up, let them pass. Come back to the feeling.
Wait for the wave to change shape, it always does. Sometimes it softens, sometimes it moves, sometimes it releases with a sigh or a yawn.
After you have actually felt it, you can respond. Maybe you set a boundary. Maybe you let it go because it truly feels complete. The important point is that you did not add to the emotional traffic jam. You allowed the energy to move through, so it does not stack up like a ten car pile up inside your chest.
This is the first answer to how to heal your emotions. Feel first. Decide second.
2. Regulate your Nervous System
If your body thinks you are in danger, nothing else will work for long. You can journal, talk, set goals, and listen to all the podcasts. If your nervous system is revved up or shut down, your brain will keep reading normal life as a threat and will push you back into old patterns.
When the nervous system is dysregulated it’s sounding all the alarms for danger even when there is none. And when all the sirens are going off, guess what gets thrown out the window? Emotional regulation. (+ digestion and any other non-essential function!)
When the nervous system is stuck in survival, everything feels like a threat and those emotions that you aren’t allowing yourself to feel from hack #1. Just keep piling up faster and faster.
Think of your nervous system like a city traffic controller. On a calm day the lights are timed, cars flow, pedestrians cross, everyone gets where they need to go.
When the system glitches, all the lights turn green at once or stay red for ages. That is what stress does in the body. When you are emotionally drained, your inner traffic lights are out of sync. A tiny annoyance becomes a four lane pile up and your emotions feel out of control.
When your nervous system is dysregulated
When your nervous system is dysregulated, your body shifts into protection mode even when you’re not actually in danger. You might notice changes like:
Your breath getting shallow
Your heart rate shifting
Muscles tensing up
Your brain becoming more alert to anything negative or stressful
Feeling wired, reactive, or the opposite — shut down and numb
Emotional regulation helps bring everything back into balance so your body can respond to emotions without spiralling or overreacting. It gives your system the cues it needs to settle, reset, and handle what you feel with clarity instead of chaos.
Daily nervous system regulation practices teaches the body it is safe even in stressful situations so you avoid those overwhelming emotions.
Pick one or two and repeat them twice a day. Consistency beats intensity.
a) 4–6 breathing
Inhale through the nose for a slow count of 4, exhale through the nose for a slow count of 6. Repeat for three minutes. The longer exhale nudges your body toward calm.
b) Box breathing
Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4. Three minutes. Smooth and gentle.
c) Humming
Hum a long, low sound for 6 to 8 seconds, then breathe normally for a breath or two. Repeat for a minute or two. The vibration helps release tension through the chest and throat and activate the vagus nerve.
d) Orienting
Turn your head slowly and look around the room. Name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear. You are telling your brain, I am here, and I am safe right now.
e) Somatic shaking
Stand up, shake your hands, arms, shoulders, legs for sixty seconds. Let your jaw loosen. Animals do this after stress. You are letting the leftover charge move through.
Do any of these when you wake up and sometime in the afternoon, plus during a trigger if you can. Ten minutes a day changes how your body holds emotion. This is the foundation of emotional regulation that sticks.
3. Journaling: your safe space to process, understand, and release
Journaling is one of the most powerful things you can do for your emotional wellbeing. If you struggle with emotional dysregulation, chances are you’ve got layers of past experiences — big traumas, small ones, and all the tiny moments sprinkled throughout life that chipped away at you without you realising.
Trauma doesn’t always show up as something dramatic or obvious. Sometimes it’s the little comments, the moments you felt unseen, the times you were shut down, or the situations that taught you to stay quiet when you really needed support. Those moments add up. Over time they shape how you feel, react, and hold emotions.
Journaling helps you work through those experiences so they stop looping in your subconscious mind and draining your energy. Even the simple act of getting thoughts out onto paper helps — it gives what you feel a physical place to land. Instead of circling in your head all day, it has somewhere safe to go.
Here are three journaling approaches that help clear emotional build-up:
1. The Brain Dump
Write down everything you’re thinking and feeling. Everything. Even if it feels silly or small. If it pops into your mind, it belongs on the page.
Write what you think, how you feel, what you think about how you feel, what you feel about what you think. Write what’s bothering you, what triggered you, what you think it means, and anything heavy sitting in your chest. You will feel lighter — every single time.
2. The Letter Technique
Write a letter to someone (or to a situation) that has upset you recently.
Do not send it — this is for your eyes only.
Tell them how they made you feel. Write what you wish you’d said. What you needed. What hurt. What you wanted from them. Let it all come out uncensored.
Then move into Phase Two — this is where the healing happens.
Now write about you.
Why did this situation trigger you?
What feeling sits underneath the reaction?
If someone makes you feel small, what part of you feels attacked?
What do you wish that part of you could say?
What does it need?
This is how you uncover the deeper layers that have been asking for attention.
3. Prompted Journaling
Sometimes you want to journal but don’t know where to start — and that’s where prompts become powerful. Prompts help guide your mind into clarity and help you access the emotions hiding below the surface.
I’ve created a guide with 220 journal prompts across 22 categories, covering everything from feeling not good enough, sad, anxious, overwhelmed, jealous, angry, stuck, or misunderstood and so much more.
The guide also includes techniques for emotional healing, practical regulation tools, and clear exercises that no one ever taught you before.
It’s going to be amazing — and it’s designed to help you heal deeply and safely.
Join the waitlist below to get access as soon as it’s ready.
4. Create micro-boundaries that stop emotional leaks
Big life boundaries matter, of course, but most overwhelm comes from tiny leaks across the day. You say yes when you mean maybe. You answer messages instantly. You absorb other people’s moods. By evening you feel wrung out and you are not sure why.
Micro-boundaries are small agreements with yourself that protect your energy, your time, and your attention. They reduce the number of triggers you face, which makes emotional regulation far easier.
Where to start
a) Message windows
Choose two small windows for messages, perhaps 12:00 and 18:00, and answer in those times only. Put your phone out of reach the rest of the day. Your nervous system will thank you.
b) The pause and consider rule
Before you say yes, pause for ten seconds and ask, does this fit my capacity today. You are allowed to say no or “let me check and get back to you”
c) Environmental edges
Wear headphones in loud spaces, move your chair away from the busiest part of the office, keep snacks and water near you so your blood sugar stays stable. Look after your body as well as your mind.
d) Emotional boundary phrases
Keep a few sentences ready, ‘I am not able to take that on today’,' ‘I hear you, and I need a moment to think’, ‘I want to help’, and ‘I need to finish this first’.
Micro-boundaries are not about being hard. They are about holding yourself. They lower the background stress that makes you snap.
They create steadiness so you can feel your feelings without drowning in them. If you have asked yourself how to fix emotional dysregulation, start here. Fewer leaks means fewer floods.
5. Update your identity, because behaviour follows who you believe you are
If you only change habits, you will keep slipping back. If you change identity, habits start to match. Many people carry quiet labels, I am too sensitive, I am the strong one, I am the one who copes. These labels shape choices. They keep you in loops that feel safe, even when they hurt.
Identity work is not pretending. It is choosing a kinder frame you can believe today, then practising it until your brain builds a new path. If you tell your self everyday that you are calm, eventually your mind will believe it and that is what you will become, this has been proven in neuroscience.
A simple identity reset plan
a) Choose one identity sentence
Pick something short that calms your body when you say it, “I handle life with calm clarity.” “I trust myself to handle what comes.” “I allow myself to pause before reacting.” “I return to calm quickly.” “I think clearly, even under pressure.” and repeat daily for at least 30-90 days.
b) Pair it with action
Identity sticks when it is proven. If your sentence is “I think clearly, even under pressure.” your action is this: When pressure arises, drop your shoulders, sit up straight and take 3 slow deep breaths. This is what the calm version of you would do.
c) Place your new identity everywhere you’ll see it
Put your sentence somewhere visible; your bathroom mirror, your wardrobe door, your phone wallpaper, your car dashboard, even on a sticky note by your bed. The more often you see it, the more your brain registers it as familiar.
And when you see it, don’t just read the words — feel into it for a moment.
Let your body soften.
Let your breath deepen.
Let yourself experience the version of you that feels this way.
That’s what rewires your self-concept; repetition paired with sensation.
This is how to heal your emotions at the root. You are literally re-wiring the way your mind works.
Putting it Together: A Daily Rhythm for Emotional Regulation
Here is a simple structure that holds all five hacks without taking over your day.
Morning, ten minutes
Five minutes of 4–6 breathing.
Three minute identity work. Repeat your chosen affirmation and feel into it.
Two minute journal check-in, “What do I feel, what do I need today.”
Daytime, as needed
When triggered, do the Feel First step for sixty to ninety seconds.
Use a micro-boundary if needed, “I will come back to this at 3 pm.”
Shake out your hands and shoulders for thirty seconds between tasks. Or another deep breathing session if your workspace allows.
Evening, ten minutes
Timed brain dump for five minutes.
Choose one small win to recognize, I paused before replying, I ate lunch on time, I left on time.
Five minutes of humming or deep breathing to settle your nervous system before bed.
If that still feels like a lot, pick one nervous system practice and one journaling tool. Consistency is the secret. This is the path to genuine emotional regulation, not just a good day here and there.
Your Emotional Wellbeing is Right Around The Corner
Healing your emotions is not about being calm all the time. It is about learning how to meet what you feel with presence, then guiding your body back to steadiness. Feel first. Teach your nervous system safety. Journal to clear the noise. Protect your energy with micro-boundaries. Choose an identity that supports who you are becoming.
If you want this to be easy to follow, the Mental Health Reset Guide gives you a simple daily flow for the exact steps in this post. Short practices, real life language, and prompts that help you process feelings instead of getting stuck in them. If you have been searching for how to heal yourself emotionally and you want something you can actually stick to, this will help you start today.