How to Stop Feeling Jealous and Insecure: 5 Steps to Rebuild Self-Worth
Jealousy has a very specific feeling, right? When you start wondering how to stop feeling jealous, it is usually because it hits you in a very physical way.
It lands like a hot flush in your chest, a tightness in your throat, a sinking in your stomach, and suddenly your mind starts running its favourite little “compare and despair” playlist.
One minute you are fine, the next minute you have seen her hair, her body, her relationship, her lifestyle, her job, her confidence, and your nervous system is acting like you have just been personally threatened by the universe.
And social media makes it so much worse.
Online, you are looking at edited photos, curated angles, flattering lighting, and a highlight reel that shows the best moments only. For plenty of people, those moments are staged, filtered, exaggerated, or fabricated. Yet your brain and body still react as if it is real life, and as if it says something about you.
Learning how to stop being jealous is rarely about the other person. It is about rebuilding safety inside you, rebuilding self-worth, and teaching your mind and body a new pattern.
Why do you feel jealous in the first place?
Jealousy looks like “she has this and I want it”. Underneath, it usually runs deeper.
Jealousy often shows up when something inside you believes:
I am behind.
I am less-than.
I am running out of time.
I am not chosen.
I am not enough to receive what I want.
If someone else has it, there is less available for me.
In other words, jealousy is rarely about hair, bodies, partners, or careers. It is about what you think those things would mean about you if you had them.
There is also a nervous system layer here.
Your nervous system learns patterns through repetition. If you have spent years speaking to yourself harshly, scanning for what is missing, comparing yourself to others, or feeling unsafe in relationships, your body becomes familiar with that state.
It becomes your default. Your brain then keeps serving you the same story, because it is wired to follow what is familiar.
This is also why jealousy can feel automatic. It can feel bigger than the moment that triggered it.
So let us go step-by-step, and build you back into a version of you who feels secure in your own lane.
Step 1: Regulate your nervous system to stop feeling jealous
If jealousy makes you spiral quickly, that is a big clue that your nervous system is already carrying stress.
A dysregulated nervous system often creates:
Faster threat perception (everything feels more personal)
More intense emotions (the feeling lasts longer, and hits harder)
More intrusive thoughts (your brain tries to “solve” the discomfort)
More body symptoms (tight chest, jaw tension, nausea, shaky energy, racing heart)
Less access to perspective (it feels true that you are behind)
Jealousy is fear in a socially acceptable outfit.
It is fear of being less-than, fear of being left behind, fear of missing out, fear of rejection, fear of scarcity, fear of being unchosen. When the nervous system is already in a stressed state, fear lands like a match on dry grass.
When the nervous system becomes more regulated, you still notice the trigger, yet it feels less consuming. You can think clearly. You can pause. You can choose what you want to believe next.
A simple nervous system reset for jealousy in the moment
When jealousy rises, your nervous system has already moved into a threat response. At that point, your body is driving the reaction, not your rational mind. The most effective thing you can do is meet the body first.
1. Name the physical sensation, not the story
Jealousy escalates when the mind starts creating meaning and comparison. Instead, bring attention into the body and name only what you can physically feel.
For example:
“My chest feels tight.”
“My stomach feels heavy.”
“My face feels warm.”
This shifts your nervous system from being inside the reaction to observing it. That small shift reduces intensity and creates space.
2. Lengthen your exhale for 60 to 90 seconds
Slow, extended exhales activate the calming branch of the nervous system. Breathe in gently through your nose, then breathe out slowly through your mouth, making the exhale longer than the inhale.
This sends a direct signal of safety to your body. As the nervous system settles, the jealousy response softens, and your mind regains clarity.
You can still notice the trigger, yet it no longer pulls you into spiralling thoughts or self-criticism.
Take the Nervous System Archetype Quiz to understand why you feel jealous
If you keep getting pulled into overthinking, comparison spirals, people-pleasing, emotional overwhelm, or shutdown, there is usually a pattern underneath it.
Your nervous system tends to have a default way of coping, especially under stress. When you understand your pattern, regulation becomes simpler.
Step 2: Discover the belief behind your jealousy through journaling
Jealousy is often a cover emotion, meaning there’s often deeper feelings and beliefs hiding underneath. You might feel jealous she has a great boyfriend but underneath the jealousy is hiding unmet needs, old wounds, and beliefs about who you are and what you are allowed to have.
When you slow down and get honest, you start to see that jealousy is usually layered. Beneath it, there might be a belief that you are behind in life, that you missed your chance, that you need something external to feel worthy, or that who you are right now does not quite measure up.
Sometimes it links back to earlier experiences where you felt overlooked, compared, rejected, or unseen.
Journaling helps bring these hidden beliefs into awareness and teaches you how to stop being jealous of others. Awareness is the first step to healing, because once you can see the belief clearly, it no longer runs your thoughts and reactions automatically.
Try this journaling practice:
Ask yourself what sits underneath that feeling, why that thing feels so important to you, what you believe it would give you emotionally, what you think it would finally prove about you.
Be gentle but honest. This is not about judging yourself. It is about understanding yourself.
Very often, the answers reveal something you did not realise was there, a belief you have been carrying quietly for years. Once that belief is brought into the light, you can begin to soften it, question it, and replace it with something kinder and more supportive.
The “What is this really about?” journaling prompts for jealousy
Exercise: Write about the last time you felt jealous and ask:
What exactly triggered me?
What did I immediately make it mean about me?
What am I afraid would happen if I never had what they have?
What do I believe having that thing would give me emotionally?
What do I believe it would prove about me?
When have I felt this feeling before, earlier in life?
What would I want to hear from someone who loved me deeply in that moment?
Then go one layer deeper. For example:
If the surface thought is “She has the body I want,” ask:
Why does that matter to me?
What do I believe a better body would change in my life?
What do I believe people would think of me then?
What do I believe it would finally allow me to feel?
This is where you often find the real belief: I feel unchosen. I feel invisible. I feel behind. I feel like I have to earn love. I feel like I have to look a certain way to be valued.
Awareness creates choice. Once the belief is visible, it stops running your life from the shadows.
Step 3: Build self-worth and confidence to reduce jealousy
This step sounds simple, and it is powerful for a reason.
Your brain learns through repetition. If you have repeated self-criticism for years, your mind will automatically go there, because it has strong neural pathways built for it.
So we build new pathways on purpose.
Every day, name three things you like about yourself.
Keep it real. Keep it grounded. Keep it consistent.
It can be anything:
Your humour
Your kindness
Your resilience
Your intelligence
Your smile
The little green speckle in your eye
Then take it one step further:
Turn “three things” into evidence
After each one, add one sentence of evidence.
“I like my kindness, I checked in on my friend when she was struggling.”
“I like my creativity, I always find a way to make something from nothing.”
“I like my body, it carries me through everything I do.”
This practice teaches your brain to look for what is already good and valuable inside you.
When self-love rises, jealousy fades because your worth no longer depends on comparison.
Step 4: Stay grounded to calm jealousy and emotional overwhelm
This one can sound a bit woo-woo, yet it is also practical.
Grounding helps because jealousy often pulls your energy up into the head. It creates spinning thoughts, mental movies, imagined conversations, and worst-case scenarios.
Grounding brings you back into the body. When you feel rooted, you feel more stable, and your reactions soften.
Why grounding helps with more than just jealousy
Grounding practices can support:
Lower stress arousal
Better emotional regulation
Improved sleep quality
A steadier mood
Less mental spiralling
Grounding practices that actually fit real life
Try one of these:
Barefoot on grass or sand for 5 to 15 minutes.
A slow walk in nature, leaving your phone in your pocket for at least part of it.
Hands on a tree trunk, breathing slowly while you feel the texture.
Legs up the wall for 5 to 10 minutes, with long exhales.
A “5 senses” reset: name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
Step 5: Choose compassion over comparison when jealousy arises
When jealousy arises, you have a choice.
Instead of turning it inward as criticism, choose compassion over comparison. Notice her beauty, her confidence, her wins, and allow yourself to appreciate them. Let yourself feel happy for her, without spiralling into jealousy and insecurity.
Then gently bring your attention back to yourself. Offer yourself the same kindness you would give a best friend who was feeling low.
Speak to yourself with warmth. Lift yourself up. Remind yourself of your own value, your own strengths, and everything you already bring to the table.
You do not need to compete with her or diminish yourself. There is space for both.
These moments might feel small, almost insignificant at first. Yet it is the small choices you make consistently, the way you speak to yourself, the way you respond in moments of vulnerability, that quietly reshape your self-worth over time.
And one day, you realise the jealousy no longer has the same grip it once did.
A gentle reminder about jealousy, self-worth, and compassion
Jealousy has a message, and you get to choose what you do with it. You get to meet it with regulation instead of spiralling.
And over time, your brain learns a new pattern. Your body learns a new baseline. Your self-worth stops swinging based on who you see online, who you see in the mirror, or what someone else seems to have.
If you want extra support with the nervous system piece, take my free Nervous System Archetype Quiz.